What Teens Want from their Parents

By Amy Sherman

Remember when you were young and how it felt being hassled by your parents? Remember how you used to think your parents never understood you and that they were old and uninformed? Well, now that we are in that position, as parents of teenagers, we need to remember what we wanted from our parents.

Let’s look at the perspective of teenagers during this phase of their lives and what they think of us.

1. Teens want to be able to decide things for themselves and be able to separate from their parent’s rule. It’s only natural and is an important step towards independence and autonomy. Even though we prefer to shelter them and keep them from getting hurt, they need to make mistakes, just as we did. For parents, it’s essential that we let our teens develop their own identity and be able to solve problems using their own wits, knowledge and common sense.

2. Teens want to experiment and push to the limit. As a parent, you need to pick and choose your battles, saving your biggest objections for the really important things, like drugs, alcohol, smoking, sex. Other things like clothes, make-up, music, etc, may not be worth hassling over and causing a strain on the relationship.

3. Teens are more competent than we assume. Imagine how it feels to have your body tell you that you are an adult and yet your parents are still calling you a child and treating you as such. Teens want to be heard and respected and it is up to us to allow them to excel. Recognize their talents ie: computer savvy, cooking skills, art work, etc. and utilize those skills within the dynamic of the household. Let teens feel like they are contributing to the family and that their responsibilities are meaningful.

4. Teens want their parents to know that words hurt and that it is hard to forget. Be careful of what you say to your kids and how you say it. Parents need to understand that, like us, our kids have feelings too.

Everyone in the family is competing for your time. They should never be competing for importance. The key is to convey that your teens are significant and that you are enjoying the journey with them. You do that by listening without judgment and understanding with much empathy. As with everything else, this phase will be over and your relationship will be that much stronger.

Amy Sherman is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice. She is the author of the ebook, “Distress-Free Aging: A Boomer’s Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life” and “The Joy of Optimism” 10-Lesson eCourse. Go to http://www.bummedoutboomer.com to sign up for her free ezine and to receive a Special Report on Overcoming Adversity. Amy can be reached at amy@bummedoutboomer.com or 561-281-2975.