An Amazing Life, Without Arms

The Story of Tawana Williams

By Monica Davis

Founder, Exceptional People Magazine

www.exceptionalmag.com" www.exceptionalmag.com

Mental anguish, physical pain and emotional stress - how do you break free from the heartache and affliction that has held you captive for so long?

She may have been born without arms, but Tawana Williams' disability has not kept her from achieving amazing feats.  She is an author, speaker, a wife, mother, an artist, a poet, a vocalist and CEO of her own company. Her life and magnificent story is one of triumph, determination and faith.  She has overcome great adversity and is using her life to inspire others.

From despair to victory, her life demonstrates that obstacles can be overcome.  Tawana took the time from her busy schedule to have an in-depth discussion with the Editor-in-Chief of Exceptional People Magazine about her amazing life.

Monica:  When you first realized that you were born without arms, did you ever ask "Why me?" 

Tawana:  Absolutely.  That was a question that I often asked, "Lord, why me?"  I have three sisters and why not one of them?  The circumstances and different challenges that I went through in life, God just answered me and told me that your sisters probably would not have been able to come through or go through what you have gone through and come out as strong as you have because my challenges made me who I am today.

So He just let me know that they wouldn't have been able to do what I've done and go through what I've gone through and come out like I came out.  It was chosen by God for me to do what He created me to do, so here I am and I am grateful.

Monica:  Did you as a child have any fears?

Tawana:  Yes, I had many fears as a child, especially, when I was not around my family.  I had a fear of what if somebody pushed me or knocked me down, how would I get up?  What if somebody tried to fight me and I couldn't defend myself?  Of course, when my family and my sisters were around that wouldn't happen.

Another fear that I have – many people don't understand it -- but I had a fear of bugs because if a bug would get on me, I couldn't shoo it or wave it away like other people can.   That was a great fear and it's still a fear of mine today.  That was just a childhood pet peeve that I had and it stayed with me.

Monica:  Was there ever a point in your life when you had a certain view of yourself and then you later changed that view?

Tawana:  Yes, I just had to take a good look at myself and realize that number one, God created me.  Number two, as my brother Roger told me when I was four-years old, that I must not have needed arms because God didn't give them to me.

And so as I just began to move through life and to overcome and go through the challenges that I went through, I realized that this is for me, this is my life and people can accept me or not.  It's their choice, I'm fine with who I am.  I did change my mindset and I realized that I'm grateful and I'm blessed.  God made me.  I have everything I need now to pick up the pieces.  I don’t worry about people pointing and talking, I had to realize and just come out with it one day and say, "You know what?  Other people's opinions of me, that's none of my business.  My business is handling my life and going through challenges and overcoming the circumstances that I face every day, just like everybody else." 

So yes, I had to change my mindset.  Then I had to change the way I saw myself and I began to love myself.  I began to give myself affirmations, self-affirmations, telling myself that I'm beautiful, that I’m the bomb, and that I love myself no matter what other people think.   So yes, it was a time, it was a process, rather.  It was a process for me.  Yes, it happened and I'm so grateful that it happened.

As I think about my life and the things that I'm doing, all the traveling that I'm doing, the places and the millions of lives that I've changed, it's just amazing to me how God would choose a little, short woman.  I'm only four feet, five and a half inches tall with no arms. I've got one leg shorter than the other and it's amazing to me how God would just use little old Tawana to change the lives of healthy people who have everything: doctors, lawyers, teachers, clerics and children.  You know, it's just amazing.

Monica:  Did your mother teach you independence.  At what age did you choose to become independent?

Tawana:  Actually, my mom did not really do that.  Most people think she did.  My book Unarmed and Dangerous tells the story of when I was about three or four months old, my mom wrote a letter to President John F. Kennedy because she had exhausted all her resources here in Wilson, North Carolina.  Social services and various disability organizations wouldn't help her because they knew that my feet were going to be used as my hands because I would hold my rattle and my bottle with my feet.  She knew that I would need some professional training, so after exhausting all of her resources, she wrote President John F. Kennedy as a last  resort.  She told him that we were poor and that she had been trying to contact various organizations.   He said “don't worry about it, you get your baby to ‘this’ hospital in Durham, North Carolina.  You take her there; don't worry about the money.  They're expecting her.  Take her there.”   Therefore, my mom took me.  I was 11 and half months old and I stayed there until I was four and a half years old.  That’s where I was trained.

I thank God for the story just knowing that President Kennedy played a part in my life, a major part in my life.  I wish that I had the opportunity to thank him for what he did but unfortunately, he died a few months after he wrote the letter.

Monica: What has your independence meant to you over the years?

Tawana:  Everything.  My independence means so much to me.  There are things that I'm not able to do but I keep trying and I just continue to say that one day I'll get it.

I don't say what I can't do but these are three things that I will not do: 

One is skate.  I will not – I tried to skate as a child.  My sisters put me on some roller skates, one was on the right side, one was on the left, and they were holding me up by the shoulders.  Therefore, that's a no-no for me. 

Swimming is another no-no because I almost drowned.  I think I was about 12 and I was at summer camp and I was inside of an inner tube and the counselor thought I was learning to swim but I slipped through the bottom of it and I was drowning, so that's another thing .  Then riding a bike, that's something that I've always wanted to do but have never done.  I just do not do those three things.

I am limited in doing certain things physically but I know some people who have everything that are mentally limited.  The only limitations I have are the ones that I put on myself.  Life is just limitless.  Whatever I put my mind to, I know that one day I'll do it.

I’ve got a strong will and a strong mindset and I like being around people that do what I want to do, like my mentor Les Brown and my life coach Art Wilson, my husband Toby, who saw things in me before I saw them.  He spoke life into me when I could not speak it to myself.  My husband Toby is awesome.  He is awesome.

Monica:      How long have you been married?

Tawana:  17 years but we've been together for 22 years.  Yes, we were childhood friends but we connected again as adults and he promised me that night in 1988, that "If you and your daughter April move to Wilson, I promise you I will take care of you until the day that I die."  He has raised my daughter as his own.  He's the only dad she's ever known.  He's been a father and a husband, a great leader, a man of God.  He is just awesome.

He doesn't say anything when we travel and when I'm speaking but people say, "You know what.  Toby's love comes out just by him standing there.  When he wipes your tears, when he gives you water, he knows what you need before you even say that you need it."  That's awesome.

Monica: If you don't mind speaking about it, would you talk about the fact that you are a survivor of a gang rape?

Tawana:  Yes, it was in 1982 and it was my first marriage.  I got married when I was 18 in 1981 and it lasted about a year and a half.  We were robbed.  Two men broke in our house, actually three, and they tied my ex-husband up at gunpoint and knifepoint and raped me several times.  I don't even remember how many times but it was repeatedly, they were taking turns and they made my husband watch.  They had a gun to my head and a knife to my throat. 

They cleaned us out, took everything out of the house that they could carry, loaded it into our brand new car and took off.  They never were caught.  The police waited in the house because they stole my keys.  The police were adamant about catching them but, unfortunately, we could not identify them.  They wore bandanas over their heads.  It was detrimental to me.  I was institutionalized for about two or three weeks because I almost lost my mind.

Thank God, he brought me back. I went back home and got my life together.  At that time, I was also addicted to drugs.

Monica:  You started using drugs as a senior in high school.

Tawana:  Yes, 1981 was the first time I tried crack cocaine and I was addicted immediately.  It had me on a roller coaster for ten years.

Monica:  What was that struggle like trying to break free from it?

Tawana:  Oh, I can't explain it was just up and down.  I'd stay clean for a month and go right back out there; it was a struggle.  I tell people if you have not tried it, please don't.  If you have tried drugs or you know somebody that's doing it, just pray for them because talking about them is not going to help.  When people talked about me, Monica, it just made me do it even more.

My Grandma Rogers and my husband Toby would pray for me, lay hands on me, and turn their plates down for me.  I didn't understand what they were doing at that time but in August of 1991, I hit my rock bottom. 

My husband Toby was deployed to Saudi Arabia for Desert Storm.  He was in the Air Force and he left me with all his money because he didn't know how long he'd be gone. Of course, I was a drug addict and I spent the money on drugs.   He returned and I had to look him in the eyes and tell him what I had done.  He was heartbroken.   I saw the pain and the hurt, the shame and the guilt and all the emotions that he was feeling.  I saw that and I felt it.

On that night I just cried out to a God that I didn't even know and I just said, "God if you're real help me because I can't do this to him anymore.  I can't do this to myself anymore."  I said, "If you're real, either kill me in my sleep or deliver me from crack."  The next day it was over.  It was gone.

Monica:  Like going cold turkey, it was over.

Tawana:  It was over.  Of course, I had to do my part - stay away from those people.  Stay away from the crack houses and things like that but the taste was gone, the desire was gone.  The desire for the friendships that I had was gone and I was set free.  I am so grateful and that is why I tell people, if you want it bad enough, it will come.

Monica:  Would you say that was the defining moment, when he came back home and you had to tell him that you spent all of the money on drugs?

Tawana:  Absolutely.  That was it for me.   Some people lose their home, their job, their car, their money.  I didn't have to lose all that.  I almost lost the best man that had ever come into my life, the man that God had placed in my life.  He tells me that I'm his assignment in life.  "You are my assignment and I'm assigned to you and only you.”

Monica:   You've been through many things and you've overcome them but what would you say has been the darkest period of your life?

Tawana:  My darkest period of my life was when my Grandma Rogers died in 1999.  That was a dark period and then in 2006 I lost my older sister Melissa, she passed away.  Those were dark moments for me but time brings about healing and change.

I speak about my Grandma today and it doesn’t make me sad.  It makes me overjoyed to know that she loved me that much, that she would instill great words into my heart and into my life and to know that I still speak those words.  When I say her name, when I talk about what she told me, the things that she did for me, it brings me joy today.

Monica:   What were some lessons you've learned from her?

Tawana:  Some of the best lessons that I've learned from my Grandma are she taught me to be who I am, to be myself and to not try to change who I am for other people.  She said just be yourself.  If you want to be loved, then you show love.  Whatever you sow so shall you reap, she taught me that.  She taught me how to love myself when other people didn't love me.

Monica:  How old is your daughter now?

Tawana:  Twenty-two.  She'll be 23 next April.

Monica:  When you were raising her, what were some of the challenges you faced?

Tawana:  Oh God, a whole bunch.  Some of the challenges that I faced with April were that I had to realize that I was limited on the things that I could teach her, such as riding a bike.  Toby had to teach her how to do that.  Some of the challenges that I remember were feeding her, holding her, bathing her, braiding her hair.  All these things were a challenge for me but I did it.  I'd lay her on a blanket and when she'd go to sleep, I'd braid her hair.   I’d sit her up leaning her back on my left foot and holding her bottle with my right foot and putting her in a little baby bathtub on the floor.   It was a challenge but I did it.  I had family members that asked, "How in the world are you going to do it?  You don't have arms."  However, I know, for me motherhood certainly did not come with instructions.

Monica:  You have done an outstanding job.   People are very inspired by what you’ve been able to accomplish.

Tawana:  You just have to take life one day at a time, put your boxing gloves on every day and go out there because life is going to happen as it does to all of us.  Just tell life to bring it on.  Whatever you have for me today, bring it.  Most of the time something does happen in a day that challenges me and I say, okay, you say you are self-motivated and self-driven, let's see what you're going to do today.  How many doors are you going to open today?  Life is a test and life tests all of us everyday.  I will soon be 46.  I'm an achiever and I make things happen for myself.  I don't sit back and wait on things to happen.  I make them happen.

Monica:  You do many things that others might think are impossible for a person with no arms.   Do you consider yourself disabled or handicapped in a way that most people would label you?

Tawana:  No, I don't consider myself handicapped or disabled.  As I often tell people when I'm speaking, I see the handicap in most of you because you have everything and you do nothing.  Many people are handicapped in their minds.  I'm unarmed but dangerous.  I am dangerous in my mind, in my life, in my spirit and in my heart. I make it happen.  I do not consider myself disabled.

Monica:  You’re a perfect example for people who always make excuses for their shortcomings.

Tawana:  They can't come to me with excuses, Monica.  I won't accept it.  I haven't found an excuse that's acceptable to me yet.  I've been doing this for 12 and a half years, traveling this country, and I cannot say, as of today, that I have heard an excuse that I will accept.  I don't care if you're blind, if you're disabled, in a wheelchair; you have one leg, or you’re on crutches.  I don't care.  It's not an excuse.

If my four-year old grandson says, “I can't”, I’ll ask what did you say?  He'll say, "Oh, I forgot Mom Mom, I can do all things.”

Monica: What is your overall view of life? 

Tawana:  Beautiful, wonderful.  I'm grateful; life is just good to me.  Of course, we have our downfalls, our situations and our challenges but life for me, is a blessing.  It's a blessing to wake up in the morning.

Monica:  What lessons has life taught you that you live by every day?

Tawana:  Life has taught me that you play the deck that you were dealt.  We were all put here for a reason and I'm taking my life as God has given it to me.  I'm a mentor and a life coach to many people and so that's one of the things that we talk about during our sessions - life and the reason we are on this earth.

It's just amazing all of the things that have been put before me and I've taken them and ran with them.  I took the gang rape.  I took the rape by my father.  I took the addiction to crack, the abortion that I had and then motherhood and I ran with it.  I made it to the finish line.  The only one that can stop me is me.  I took those challenges and turned them into a testimony for somebody else to know that if I've overcome all of those things, what's your excuse?

I’ve traveled this country for more than 12 and a half years, and nine and a half of those we did it free.  I asked people how many of you will work on your job all week and not get a paycheck?

Monica:  How were you able to survive?

Tawana:  We used our own money.  We saved and we prayed.  Of course, people would bless us here and there but, overall, God did it.  I tell people I started this dream – this motivational speaking journey with a dream and a vision.  My husband gave me $300.00, he said, "Go make it happen."  I had business cards, a computer, a telephone and he said, "Go for it."  And I did it.  I made it happen.  I changed millions of lives with only $300.00.  It's the word of mouth that's taken me all over this country and I am so thankful and so grateful for the people that sowed the seeds into our ministry and into my business.  We've gone to churches, schools, prisons, day care facilities, nursing homes, corporate America and family reunions.

When it's your passion, you do it.  You do it for free.  Then you begin to do it so well that people will begin to pay you to do it.  That's why I tell people you can't allow money to be your motivator.  Money has never been my motivator because if it were, I would have quit a long time ago.

I took that little bit of faith that I had and I turned it into this great ministry and that's what God wanted me to do.

Monica:  If there were one powerful thought or message that you'd like to share with the world, what would it be? 

Tawana:  You have to decide that it's possible for you because that's what I had to do.  I had to decide, make up my mind that all of the things and the desires of my heart and the dreams that I had were possible, because I almost talked myself out of my dream.  How is it going to happen?  Where's the money going to come from?  Who will listen to me?  Who will pay me to speak to them?  All of these doubts came out of my mouth and I almost missed it.  You have to make up your mind that it's possible for you.

Monica:  What legacy would you like to leave?

Tawana:  Wow.  She was unarmed but dangerous.  She didn't let anything stop her.  Life knocked her down many times but she got up repeatedly.  She was totally committed.  She held herself accountable.  She was willing to do anything to make it happen.  She took action.  She never gave up.  Finally, she had absolute faith in her dream.  That's my acronym for my name Tawana - total commitment, accountability, willingness, action, never give up and absolute faith.  

To learn more about Tawana Williams and her mentoring group visit: www.tawanawilliams.com.