The Key to Setting Boundaries

By Amy Sherman

Healthy adults know how to set limits. They understand when they become too intrusive and are aware when they are too removed. They pay close attention to the cues from others and are able to maintain a healthy balance in their relationships and interactions with other individuals. They are also willing to make the necessary changes so that their relationships remain strong, satisfying and equal.

However, sometimes people are not so intuitive. Chances are that you were made to feel uncomfortable or perhaps your personal boundaries were crossed by people who did not “get” that they were hurting you.

Here is how you can handle things in the future.

The purpose of setting boundaries is to protect yourself from people who can be abusive.

By stating your feelings, you let others know that your rights have been overstepped and that you are taking responsibility for yourself.

It is easier to set boundaries and assert yourself with people with whom you don’t have strong relationships. It becomes more difficult, but even more necessary, with those you care most about.

Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity and that it is vital if you are to love yourself. Therefore, you feel comfortable revealing to others unacceptable behavior and the changes you would like them to make.

When you set a boundary, you also have to let go of the outcome. This is because some people are incapable of changing. It is their choice to refuse to make things better. You also have a choice whether you will leave the marriage, end the friendship, find a new job or distance yourself from those who make you feel so uncomfortable.

Setting personal boundaries defines the edges of your physical and emotional space. Pick and choose the most important behaviors that need to be discussed and then state your request. Hopefully, the people who care about you the most will be willing to make the necessary improvements to keep your relationships honest, respectful and mutually satisfying.

Amy Sherman, LMHC, is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice. Amy is the author of the ebook, “Distress-Free Aging: A Boomer’s Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life” and “The Joy of Optimism 10-Lesson eCourse. Visit "http://www.bummedoutboomer.com/" www.bummedoutboomer.com to learn more about boomer issues and to receive a Special Report on Overcoming Adversity when you sign up for her FREE newsletter. Contact her by email "mailto:amy@bummedoutboomer.com" amy@bummedoutboomer.com or by phone at ( 561) 281-2975