8 Tips You Must Know To Survive Dating

by Judith Sherven and Jim Sniechowski

Chances are you never thought you needed to be rescued from romance. In fact, you probably feel you need more romance in your life, not less. The truth is that most hearts are broken in the painful difference between the possibility of real romance and the insistence on the fantasy of romance - with the real thing taking the loss. Here are a few tips to help protect you from the ravages of romantic fantasy.

1. Beware the person who comes on too fast. Chances are she or he is "in love with love," not you. There is no such thing as intimacy at first sight.

2. Pay special attention to needing instant chemistry or to fall for "your type." You're probably caught up n the challenge of conquering someone who's not very available.

3. Avoid creating romantic scenarios during early dates. Don't play sexy music. Stay away from darkly lit, elegant restaurants. Wait awhile before giving gifts or flowers. Find out who you're with and whether you're really interested.

4. Hold off on sex, even kissing. If your relationship proves to be real, there'll come a time when love play actually means something. Don't confuse heat with heart.

5. This one may be difficult, but it works in the long run. Abandon the Prince Charming- Helpless Damsel ritual of the man being the one to call, ask for the date, plan and pay. Both women and men now have jobs and money, telephones and driver's licenses. One of the best ways to protect against the traps of false romance is to make dating an equal opportunity event. Share the asking, planning, paying and even driving. Then you're both on equal footing as competent, available adults - rather than a powerful man and the little lady who's waiting by her phone.

6. Avoid trying to entertain or impress your family, friends and acquaintances with stories about your dates. The drama of the story can confuse your perception of what really happened.

7. If you've just started dating someone, and you're fantasizing about what marriage with her or him would be like, stop. That's only make-believe and will keep you off-balance in reality.

8. Go on non-romantic dates - walks in the park, sports events, charity fundraisers, museums or bookstores. The point is to get to know what your date is like in his or her real life.

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(Excerpted from The New Intimacy, HCI, Inc.)

 Husband-and-wife psychology team Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and Jim Sniechowski, Ph.D.are the bestselling authors of Be Loved for Who You Really Are (St. Martin's Press 2003) which followed The New Intimacy (HCI 1997) and Opening to Love 365 Days a Year (HCI 2000). Their fourth book, The Smart Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams came out from New World Library, December 2005.  Visit http://www.judithandjim.com