Dear Christina,

I am thinking about getting a divorce and went to see a divorce attorney. I was shocked to find out that she wanted a $5,000 retainer. I just do not have that kind of money. What can I do? I feel like I am trapped in my marriage. My husband controls all of our finances.

Trapped in a bad marriage

Dear Trapped,

Even though you do not have access to money, you still do have options. Divorce lawyers can petition the court and ask that your husband pay your attorney’s retainer. If he is the main breadwinner and controls the family finances, then a judge can force him to pay the retainer directly to your attorney.

Many divorce lawyers will not tell you about this. After all, it is easier for them to just have you pay their retainer. This is common practice, especially when the wife has been a stay at home mom and there is a big difference in the incomes of both spouses.

Another option is to pay your retainer with a credit card. This is what I had to do during my own divorce. Luckily I had open credit limits at the time and was able to get a check from my credit card company to pay my attorney. I do not recommend doing this unless there is no other option available. You do not want to put yourself into debt and then have to pay interest as well.

Dear Christina,

I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 years now. I really want to get married, but he keeps avoiding the subject. I am almost 40 years old and want to have children. I love my boyfriend dearly, but I feel like time is running out. What should I do?

Desperate Bride

Dear Desperate Bride:

When two people enter a relationship, often they have different ideas and agendas. You may have had your heart set on getting married and having a family. Your boyfriend may be perfectly content without a long term commitment and may not even want children.

What you need here is to open the lines of communication. You need to ask him if he is ready to make a commitment and if he sees marriage and children in his future. If the answer is no, you then need to decide if you can live with that. If you can’t it is time to move on. You cannot give up your dreams for another person. You will just resent him over time. If he indicates that he does want to get married and have kids, but not right now, then you need to find out when he feels he will be ready.

Make sure you feel that he is being honest. If you feel that he is being genuine, the two of you need to compromise and come up with a time frame you both can be happy with.

Dear Christina,

I am a divorced mom of two teenage boys. My sons have been disrespectful and rude to me lately. They do not listen to me when I try to discipline them.

I feel like I am no longer in control as a parent. My ex-husband is no help and only sees them occasionally. Any advice?

Frustrated Mom

Dear Frustrated Mom,

I can relate to what you are going through. As a mother of four, two of them teenage boys also, I know how difficult it is to have to be the sole disciplinarian in the house.

An important thing to remember is that teenagers test boundaries all of the time. They may act out and demand to get their way, but deep down they crave structure and security. You need to set the rules in your house. Do not simply verbalize the rules to your children. Type them out on the computer and print out a “handbook” and give a copy to each child. In it, you will have the family mission statement, what is expected of each member of the family and what the consequences are for breaking the rules.

It is crucial that you enforce the rules in the handbook and dole out and stick to the necessary punishment. All major corporations, schools and even our court systems operate this way. In society there are rules that must be followed. If broken, we pay the price, whether it is a ticket for speeding, losing our jobs or getting detention in school. Use these same techniques in your own home and you will have more cooperative, respectful teenagers.