What about networking? The Downtown Women’s Club

From a talk with Diane Danielson, author of “Table Talk: The Savvy Girl's Alternative to Networking”

By Barbara Payne

"I'm exhausted! Do I HAVE to network?" It's the cry of single working women everywhere--and lots of married women, too--who are so overworked from handling all their challenges that, as Diane Danielson says, "Between family and work responsibilities, the idea of pressing flesh at some not-very-festive "cocktail party" is right up there in appeal with root canal work."

Diane says if you want to be successful, yes, you have to network. But it doesn't have to be a duty and a pain. Founder and CEO of the Downtown Women's Club, Diane writes books about how to do what you have to do and still keep your professional contacts up. Diane got divorced while pregnant with her first child, worked for years in a completely male-dominated industry, learned from the guys how to play team and mentor, and is now writing her second book while raising her 7-year-old son. Yeah, she's got money and her child's father helps, but Diane also has some advice for those women who haven't taken the plunge to test their own limits and discover all their hidden talents.

Barbara: Diane, as former corporate America employee, life changed when you got divorced.

Diane: I was a very young vice president in a male dominated industry. My friends—I was a former attorney myself—and I saw so many of us had similar issues and started meeting for lunch. Realized maternity leaves weren’t in place for executives and attorneys.

My book, “Table Talk: The Savvy Girl’s Guide to Networking,” is based on the idea that networking should be fun and accessible to everyone. At the time, most women’s organizations only accepted more senior women. I saw men bringing young men with them to events and was amazed that women couldn’t do this. We kept our meetings small and cheap or free. We grew to 300 in a year, next it was 1000 in Boston. When my son was 2-1/2 years old and I was trying to be the wonder employee I had been, he was sick and I was sick, and suddenly with a new president on board, my head was on the chopping block.

My image of myself was confused—I didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t in corporate America. So I wrote the book and found it became the calling card for the Downtown Women’s Club—which began to develop chapters across America. I kept my writing and the DWC on parallel tracks—women’s issues were always big for me. I represent the new generation of workers in America—people doing a whole bunch of part-time jobs.

As a single parent, I really appreciate the flexibility we’ve built into the DWC format. Technology is what enabled this—“networking while you sleep.”

Barbara: So how do women do things differently in business?

Diane: I spent a lot of time in the old boys’ network. And I saw that they know how to share and to mentor. I learned everything from watching the boys. Comparing how they do things with how we do things. Some of what women do is better, but when it comes to nurturing protégés, we don’t do that very well. Some Gen Xers and Gen Yers feel that Baby Boomer women slammed the doors in their faces.

Barbara: What about the 51% of women who are single in the US?

Diane: DWC readers had a great discussion prompted by the survey we put out. Especially interesting was the thread in which they talked about how everyone should be supporting single mothers. That there’s never been a time in our history when it takes two incomes to live just a middle-class life. And how single mothers are rearing the future generation—we should all be helping them instead of arguing that they shouldn’t have any extra privileges. It’s really about families first.

People are spread out today, not living near their family support systems, and so on. Women today want to make the working mother/single mother option more humane. It’s not about any choice being wrong.

Barbara: The Internet has changed life for women—women are so much more tied to home. It’s so exciting that new chapters are forming everywhere. Why do you think that is?

Diane: We want to be inclusive. Some women want more structured networking, but our laid-back style with small meetings does appeal to certain women. We attract different people. I think the number of single women in our groups is about equal to married women. We find we have a higher percentage of women without kids, even if married.

Barbara: You do seminars for companies, too. Tell us more.

Diane: Yes, I do seminars on networking. Everyone needs a pep talk once in a while to encourage them to network to promote their businesses or keep in touch for their next job or whatever. In a small regular coffee group, I accomplished more than in a dozens of other meetings. It helps if the members of the group have varying skills and expertise—but people should be on about the same level in their industry.

Barbara: How does your group work out the time-is-short, too-much-to-do complaint of most women?

Diane: We find that the most successful women are also the most accessible. It’s a case of setting priorities. Make networking fun. I network on the soccer field with other soccer women—playing, not mothering! But either one could work. Pursue fun and realize that networking doesn’t have to be separate from your personal life.

You left law to go into another profession. You are very daring.

Diane: I wasn’t that way naturally. I was forced into it, realized that I wanted to do things that I enjoyed, which lead to, first, sales, then marketing. But I do think you can only push yourself so far—I probably had this personality but it was just buried under insecurities.

To hear more about how Diane has further transformed herself through blogging, visit www.swwan.org/swwan_dive/ and download the podcast “Networking while you sleep.”

Barbara Payne, managing principal of ReallyGoodFreelanceWriter.com and founder of the Single Working Women’s Affiliate Network (SWWAN), helps companies and executives reach their marketing goals by writing that speaks from the heart—speeches, executive communications, corporate/business blogs, and more. “Find your True Voice…and grow your business”®