The Ten Secret Lives the Cocktail Napkin

It lies on the tiny table you share with friends, a small square of paper whose only official job in its life is to absorb the drips from your full glass and keep the table nice and tidy. But oh! The humble 4X4 inch square is so much more! It can also be used in these various ways:

1. Suppose you have met someone for a drink with no intention of carrying the relationship any further, but suddenly developing rapport with this person seems of great importance. Where can you scribble their address to send them some information? Pencil in their phone number or e-mail. On that humble cocktail napkin, of course!

2. You see an attractive stranger across the crowded cocktail lounge. You hesitate to risk face-to-face rejection. What to do? Find a waiter or the buddy you came in with and send them over to the hottie with a note written on none other than—the cocktail napkin!

3. You’ve met with colleagues and during the engrossing conversation the group comes up with a brilliant plan for a new business or a great idea for improving the current one. You have no note paper with you. Guess where you can jot down the details!

4. You meet, quite by chance, a person whose business can use the invention you’ve been cooking up in your brain. How can you give him a quick illustration of your brain child?

5. Now that you’ve created the new mythical corporation, you note the future chain of command on that little white square.

6. You pause a few moments to visit the rest room. It has one of those electric hand dryers that try the patience without drying the hands. You exit and return to your table. Grab a fresh cocktail napkin to finish the drying job.

7. You have an unsightly smear of lipstick on your teeth, or they have captured an unattractive glob of spinach or mozzarella cheese. You can already guess how to remove it without making a fuss.

8. Without warning, a sneeze sneaks up on you. No time to reach for that tissue, but you know what to catch it in!

9. The smoking monkey is still on your back. Now you are in its grasp in your favorite drinking establishment. You’ve had no cigarettes for a week and you are firmly resolved to kick the habit. It’s time to reach for that napkin to fold, spindle and shred to give those hands something to do.

10. The check has arrived. A tip has to be calculated and the bill has to be split among four or five companions. We’d probably be able to figure it out in our heads, but why? Our little constant rescuer is right on the table to provide a spot to work out the transaction.

There you have it! Ten Secret Lives of the Cocktail Napkin. I know you can think of lots more.